There's a lot of middle ground on social media between "friends who share everything" and "mortal enemies." Here's how to clean up your feed with a simple unfollow vs. unfriend on Facebook.
When to Unfollow vs. Unfriend Someone on Facebook
Updated on Jan. 28, 2025
I have a relative who posts endlessly on Facebook, constantly sharing weird AI pictures captioned with bizarre tales. I think they’re meant to be inspirational, but they feel like an amalgamation of everything that’s wrong with the internet and make me dread logging on. However, I love this person to death and want to maintain a good relationship with her. Even with more than 10 years of experience as an etiquette writer, I really struggled with the best way to handle it, wondering whether to unfollow vs. unfriend her on Facebook. She would definitely notice if I unfriended her (she has, like, 20 friends), and she would feel bad. That said, I was really over the “Shrimp Jesus” pictures cluttering my feed.
There’s a good reason to take care when deciding how to handle situations like this. “Social media apps like Facebook, Instagram and the like are just as much about relationships as they are about information,” says etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, founder of the Protocol School of Texas and author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life.
When everything works well, social media is a great tool to connect with like-minded others, maintain good relationships and have fun. As anyone who’s ever spent any time on these sites knows, however, things can take a turn for the worse—fast. Thankfully, you have a few tools at your disposal to make your social media experience a whole lot better.
We asked Gottsman and business etiquette expert Lydia Ramsey to walk us through the nuances of this tricky modern etiquette situation. Read on to find out who you should unfriend vs. unfollow—and whether the person in question will know what you’ve done.
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Unfollow vs. unfriend on Facebook: What’s the difference?
Put simply, unfollowing vs. unfriending on Facebook is about visibility vs. connection. Unfollowing maintains a “friend” connection while reducing that person’s visibility on your feed, and unfriending severs the connection. Think of it like a phone: Unfollowing is like turning down the volume of a conversation, whereas unfriending is hanging up the phone.
Another way to look at it, according to Gottsman? “Taking a little break from the relationship [vs.] having a serious breakup.”
Just like in the real world, there are a lot of relationship levels on social media between “people who share everything with each other and sworn enemies,” says Gottsman. “And these social media tools can help you sort out exactly how much engagement you want to have with each ‘friend.'”
When should you unfollow someone?
Unfollowing is a gentler option, and it’s great when you’re trying to avoid a confrontation, Ramsey says. This is because you still remain connected or “friends” with them, but you stop seeing their posts in your feed. They won’t be notified that you’ve unfollowed them, and they won’t be able to tell by looking at their feed or friends list—so it’s the perfect low-drama option. In case you’re wondering, this is what I ended up doing with my over-posting relative.
Here are some people you might want to unfollow:
The friend who “vague-books”
“Feeling so down. I was betrayed by people I thought were close friends (you know who you are), and it’s been super traumatic. I don’t want to post all the details, but my real friends will know what I’m talking about.” Sound familiar? Vague-booking is posting vague posts that are negative and/or dramatic for attention, leaving the reader in a constant state of concern for the person. This can get incredibly annoying, especially if you do really care about them. So if you have a friend who regularly does this, unfollowing will allow you to avoid these posts without having to sever your connection with them.
The former co-worker who posts 20 pictures a day of her new baby
Even people who love seeing pictures of cute babies, kids and pets can have a hard time matching the zeal of the proud parent, especially one who enjoys posting every burp or bark to social media. Your friend isn’t technically doing anything wrong or offensive, and she’ll likely move out of this phase eventually—at which point you may want to re-follow her, Gottsman says. Unfollowing will give you a covert breather.
The relative who comments on every single posts she reads
Social media works by showing you not just posts from your friends but also their activity—what they’ve liked, commented on or purchased. This can really clog up your feed if you’re friends with people who like or comment on every single thing they see. Simply unfollowing will clear the clutter while still allowing you to maintain an online relationship with the person. “This way,” Gottsman says, “you can look at [the person’s] posts and comments when it’s convenient for you and limit the time you spend on it.”
The relative who constantly posts political rants
You may want to unfriend a politics-obsessed friend (more on that below), but if you’re related to the person, things are trickier. Family deserves extra consideration, Gottsman says, adding that it’s worth having a face-to-face conversation about how a family member’s screeds affect your relationship. If posts like this seem to spike around elections, hopefully they will soon subside and your relative will resume posting corny jokes instead.
Anyone who posts things that bring you down or upset you
Maybe you have a friend who just got engaged and you’ve been struggling to find a relationship for years. Or perhaps your cousin just got pregnant with twins and you’ve suffered a recent miscarriage. Or you’re tired of seeing your brother’s lavish vacations when you can’t afford tickets to a matinee movie. “You don’t have to have a reason to unfollow someone,” Ramsey says. If their posts are bringing you down—even if there is nothing wrong with the posts themselves—you should protect your mental health and unfollow them. You can always re-follow them if you get in a better headspace.
Your current boss
Even if you’re on great terms with your boss, it’s best to keep your work and personal life separate. (LinkedIn is the appropriate site for business connections.) However, if you’re already friends, then it might jeopardize your working relationship if you suddenly unfriend them, so unfollowing can be a middle ground, Ramsey says. Also consider setting a filter to not show certain posts—like your weekend party or vacation trip—to your boss.
When should you unfriend someone?
Unfriending is the nuclear option, Ramsey says. Because it severs the online connection, you’ll no longer see each other’s updates unless you actively seek each other out. While Facebook doesn’t notify a person when you unfriend them, they may notice when you stop showing up in their feed or friends list. It’s unlikely for people who have a lot of online friends, but it isn’t impossible, so that’s a risk you should consider when unfriending, Gottsman says.
Here are some people you might want to unfriend:
Your ex after a bad breakup
Sure, some people remain friends with their exes, but that’s probably more the exception than the rule. Staying friends with your ex on social media can make a difficult breakup even harder by showing you everything they are (or aren’t) saying about you and how well they are moving on.
Gottsman is even blunter about it: “If you’ve decided you don’t want to have a relationship with them in real life, there is zero reason to keep an electronic relationship.”
Your high school buddy who posts offensive memes
A rule of polite society is to not post things that are offensive, harmful or disturbing, and yet so many people do exactly that online, especially under the guise of sharing “a joke.” This is true even for folks who wouldn’t dream of saying it in real life. So if someone constantly posts content that goes against your values or beliefs, unfriending them is the best way to distance yourself and remove the offensive content from your feed, Ramsey says.
The friend who posts misinformation
In this day of artificial intelligence, bots and propaganda, it’s becoming harder than ever to know what’s “true”—and it doesn’t help when someone is constantly posting things you know to be untrue online. Even if you love the person dearly in real life, seeing their misinformation about politics, vaccines, climate change and other hot-button topics can lead to frustration, anger, arguments and loss of trust. This can take a real toll on both personal and professional relationships. “It’s hard to work with someone you don’t trust,” Ramsey says.
The thing is, you’re probably not going to change their mind by arguing with them on Facebook. Instead, preserve your mental health by unfriending them.
The relative who posts pictures of your kids after you asked her not to
Some people live their lives online, while others prefer to keep a lower profile or want to keep their children off social media. Yet some people will take that reasonable boundary as an offense and post pictures of you or your kids anyway. “Take privacy violations very seriously online,” Ramsey says. “Even if your account is ‘private,’ nothing on the internet is ever truly private.”
The bottom line: You have the right to set boundaries for what others can post about you and your family. And if you have an online connection who constantly violates that boundary, unfriending is the best option.
The super-fit acquaintance who sends you into a shame spiral
Comparison is the thief of joy, and nowhere is the old adage more true than on social media. If you can’t stop looking at someone’s pictures and envying their lives or bodies, then it’s time to unfriend—for your own mental health, Gottsman says. And don’t forget that much of what you see on social media is an illusion anyhow.
The neighbor who’s trying to rope you into an MLM party
Whether a person is selling fashion, jewelry, diet pills, makeup, fitness programs or romantic aids, their posts are self-serving. And while their posts are their business, it’s another thing entirely when they repeatedly tag you about hosting or try to guilt-trip you. “These friends see you as a way to make money and are using your relationship with them to that end,” Gottsman says. If you like the products, it’s not a problem, but if you feel overwhelmed by their requests, simply unfriend them.
“If it’s a really close friend, talk to them in person first about how it makes you feel,” Gottsman says. “But unfriend if they don’t respect that boundary.”
The friend who turns every conversation into a political argument
Politics, at their core, are about your values and moral beliefs, and as such, they become hot-button topics fast. While it is possible to have a nuanced, polite political discussion online, let’s be honest—it doesn’t happen often. Social media tends to polarize people to extreme positions, and reading those rants can take a real toll on you.
“They have a right to share their political beliefs—and you have a right to not read them,” Gottsman says. “Ultimately, these tools are about setting appropriate boundaries. It’s your peace of mind you’re protecting.” Unfriending them will save you the risk of an ugly public confrontation and help you stay sane.
That one person you’re hate-following
Social media should be about finding things that uplift and inspire you, yet sometimes it’s tempting to hate-follow someone. Whether it’s a celebrity, a political figure or an old classmate that you love to loathe, this type of social media relationship can be very toxic—and you’re the one being hurt by it, according to Gottsman.
This type of masochism is one of the hidden downsides of social media. “If someone is taking up too much space in your mind or you’re spending a lot of time looking at their page, then it’s time to unfriend,” Gottsman says.
Is it better to unfriend or unfollow?
It depends on your goal. In general, Ramsey says that unfollowing is the safer, less confrontational option—say, if you just need a break or want to keep the peace. Unfriending is the best option if you’d like to end the connection entirely.
That said, Ramsey says it’s actually “better to start with good boundaries about who you friend and follow, especially in a work context, so you don’t end up in this situation. But we’re all human, and who hasn’t been there on social media?” She recommends being very choosy about who you connect with online, as well as avoiding connecting with co-workers, bosses and employees.
Will the other person know if you’ve unfriended or unfollowed them?
Facebook will not alert a person when you unfriend or unfollow them, but of course, a very observant person (or someone with very few followers) may notice. If you are concerned about their reaction, it might be a good idea to have a conversation about it.
“You don’t have to explain to someone why you unfriended them, but if you want to maintain a good real-world relationship with them, then it would be kind to give them a heads-up,” Ramsey says. She suggests saying something nonpersonal that emphasizes it’s about you and not them—for instance, “I’m taking a step back from social media,” or “I’ve decided to separate my work and private life. Would you like to connect on LinkedIn?”
When should you block someone?
There’s one last tool you need to know about it: the “block user” function. Unfortunately, some people use social media to stalk, harass, bully, intimidate, coerce or otherwise hurt and manipulate others. If you find yourself in a situation that feels unsafe for any reason, don’t hesitate to use the “block” function, Gottsman says. Not only will this unfriend a person, but it will also prevent them from sending you future requests or messages or even seeing your profile.
Additionally, you can use the “report” feature to let Facebook or Instagram know if the person is breaking the rules of the platform. And don’t be afraid to call the police if things get seriously bad, Gottsman adds.
Does unfriending and unfollowing work the same on other social media platforms?
Every social media platform has a way to do the functions that Facebook calls unfollowing, unfriending and blocking, but they may have different names. For instance, on Instagram, you have the option to “mute,” which is similar to unfollow, and “unfollow,” which is similar to unfriending. And you can block someone entirely, or you can “restrict” them, which limits their ability to comment on your posts, message you and see your stories.
On X (formerly Twitter) and TikTok, you can simply choose to follow or unfollow an account.
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Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of etiquette stories that help readers navigate communication in a changing world. We regularly cover topics such as the best messages to send for any occasion, polite habits that aren’t as polite as they seem, email and texting etiquette, business etiquette, tipping etiquette, travel etiquette and more. We’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. For this piece on when to unfollow vs. unfriend on Facebook, Charlotte Hilton Andersen tapped her experience as a longtime journalist who specializes in etiquette and communication for Reader’s Digest. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Diane Gottsman, national etiquette expert, author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life and founder of the Protocol School of Texas; phone interview, Aug. 16, 2019
- Lydia Ramsey, business etiquette expert and author of three books on etiquette, including Business Etiquette Essentials: Adding the Polish That Builds Profit; phone interview, Aug. 15, 2024
