Planning an adults-only big day? Etiquette experts share their secrets for saying "no kids" at a wedding with elegance and grace.
How to Say No to Kids at a Wedding Without Offending Anyone
Updated on Oct. 07, 2024
A 3-year-old licked my wedding cake before we could cut it. We have photographic proof of the cute culprit caught red-handed (er, white-lipped). The preschooler in question was my sister—I love her dearly, but the deep tongue trail through the frosting made me wish, for a moment, that we hadn’t invited small children. Weddings are often expensive affairs with long periods of waiting, fragile items everywhere, dress codes, high expectations of following etiquette rules and so much white. In other words, they’re a recipe for disaster for children. But figuring out how to say “no kids” at a wedding without burning bridges is tricky, especially when the wedding is a major family event.
And yet many couples are opting to walk the etiquette tightrope and host adults-only weddings. In fact, kid-free weddings are trending, according to the 2024 Zola First Look wedding survey, with 1 in 6 couples saying they prefer their big day sans little ones. As a 2023 article in the New York Times reports, “of 4,000 couples with 2024 wedding dates, 79.5% are in favor of kid-free weddings.” In other words: Asking guests to leave the kids at home may be less controversial than you imagine, though it’s still a delicate matter.
“It’s understandable that some couples prefer an adult-only affair, and it’s also understandable that some people will be upset by that,” says Elaine Swann, a former professional wedding coordinator and a wedding etiquette expert with more than 20 years of experience in the wedding industry. “Ultimately, it’s your day, and it should be just how you like it. I do think it’s possible to politely say ‘no kids’ at a wedding; it’s just a matter of finding the right wording and delivering it in an appropriate way.”
To help you determine the right “no kids at wedding” wording, we asked Swann and fellow etiquette experts Heather Wiese and Jackie Vernon-Thompson to share their pro tips for having an adults-only wedding, along with scripts you can use to say it in the kindest way possible. Read on for wedding invitation etiquette that’ll teach you how to say “no kids” at a wedding without offending anyone.
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How to say “no kids” at a wedding
You have every right to have an adults-only wedding, but take extra care with what you say and the way you communicate it. “When someone receives an invitation that explicitly excludes anyone, including their child, it can come across as rude,” says Wiese.
Vernon-Thompson adds that it’s all about your wedding invite wording. “Just keep in mind class, tact, consideration of feelings, brevity and simplicity,” she says.
What to say when you want to keep it simple
- “We respectfully request that this celebration remain for adults only.”
- “We would like to make our special day an adults-only event. Thank you for understanding.”
- “We want everyone to relax and enjoy themselves, so we are choosing to keep our wedding and reception adults-only events.”
- “We want to give you a heads up that this event will be for adults only, so please make child-care arrangements in advance.”
- “Adults only, please.”
- “Please note that this is an adults-only occasion.”
- “We are having an adults-only wedding and hope you can join us for a relaxing evening celebration.”
What to say when you want to keep it light
- “Parents’ night out on us! Leave the little ones at home and come party.”
- “Adults only at our wedding, please. We want you to feel free to dance like you did before you had kids!”
- “Let’s party like it’s 1999—and by that, we mean before we had kids. No children under 18, please.”
- “Adults-only shenanigans at this wedding.”
- “We love your kids so much that we don’t want to scar them for life with your drunken dancing. Adults only tonight.”
- “The only screaming we want to hear at our wedding is on the dance floor. Adults only, please!”
- “We kindly ask that there are no kids under 18. We promise the party will be worth the price of a babysitter.”
What to say when your wedding is at night
- “We love your kids, but they’ll be happier at home—plus, we want our wedding to be your night off!”
- “Join us for a grown-up evening of celebration and Champagne toasts. We kindly ask that you make arrangements for your children to stay home.”
- “Kids often get tired just when the fun is getting started. Your little ones will be more comfortable—and you’ll have more fun—if they stay home.”
- “Due to the late time of our wedding, it will be for adults only.”
- “Kids need to stick to their bedtime, but we want you to party with us until sunrise. So we respectfully ask that you make other arrangements for your children for our wedding.”
What to say when your venue isn’t appropriate for children
- “Our wedding is at an adults-only resort, so no children under 18 will be allowed. We appreciate your understanding.”
- “We love your children, so due to safety concerns at our venue, we are asking that kids stay home.”
- “Welcome to the adults-only party zone. Be sure to book your sitter ASAP!”
- “We want to let you know in advance that our venue cannot accommodate children, so you will need to make child-care arrangements.”
- “Our venue has a strict no-children policy. This wedding is only for people 18 years old and up.”
- “Because of the nature of our venue, we won’t be able to host children for the wedding or reception.”
What to say when some children are invited, but others aren’t
- “We wish everyone could celebrate with us, but due to budget constraints, we are inviting only children who are part of the wedding party. We ask that all other children stay home.”
- “This wedding will be for adults only, except for the children acting as our ring bearer and flower girl.”
- “Unless we’ve spoken with you about your child attending, we ask that you not bring children to the wedding. Thank you for your support.”
- “Due to seating constraints, this will be an adults-only party, with the exception of the immediate family of the bride and groom.”
- “We’re keeping our wedding as a small, adults-only occasion. However, new parents are welcome to bring their infants under 6 months old.”
What to say when kids are welcome to only part of the wedding
- “We are keeping the wedding ceremony adults only, but we would love to have your children join us for the reception afterward.”
- “We’re having a small, intimate, adults-only wedding ceremony, but we’re looking forward to celebrating with the whole family at the reception.”
- “Everyone is welcome to come to the wedding ceremony; adults will be welcome to join us for the drinks reception afterward.”
- “We’d love to share our special day with all our loved ones, but due to limited seating in the church, please bring children to the reception only.”
What to say when you’re offering help with child care
- “We want you to be able to fully enjoy our wedding, so we’re offering limited child care at the hotel. Please let us know if you’d like to take advantage of this or if you’ll be making other arrangements for your children’s care.”
- “As much as we love your kids, we would like our wedding and reception to be adults-only events. To help you, we’re offering two hours of on-site child care after the ceremony. Please let us know in advance if you’d like to use this service.”
How to let guests know that your wedding is for adults only
OK, so you know how to say “no kids” at a wedding, but where or when, exactly, should this come up? There are a variety of ways to let your guests know about your kid-free wedding wishes, whether it’s through a personal phone call, your invite or a wedding website.
Here’s how to politely say “no kids” at your wedding, according to the experts:
- Note it on the invitation. Wiese recommends addressing the envelope to the parents or adults in the household only, which implies that the kids should stay home. You can also include a small line at the bottom to note that this is an adults-only wedding invitation.
- Mention it on the RSVP card. Another subtle way to suggest that only the parents or adults are invited is to note the number of reserved seats on the RSVP card.
- Include it on an invitation insert. Consider placing the message on a separate insert card. “This will ensure they see it when they open the invitation,” Swann says.
- Add it to your wedding website. You can put the information right on the front page. “What’s beautiful about the modern website is that the wordy, unconventional language that should never see the paper of the invitation can be added relatively easily and with graphically designed hierarchy right there on the website for all to see,” Weise says.
- Put it in the FAQs on your wedding website. Create a Q&A section of your website, Swann says, and make “Are kids invited?” one of the questions. The answer: “This wedding is for adults only. Thank you for your support and understanding.”
- Spread the word yourself. “People are going to talk about your wedding—so feel free to make this a talking point,” Wiese says. She suggests prepping a one-liner that you can personally deliver to family, friends and other guests when your wedding comes up in conversation. Try this: “My partner and I have decided that we would like an adults-only celebration.”
Rules for having a no-kids wedding
This is your big day, and it’s absolutely your right to say no to kids at your wedding. That said, the experts’ wedding etiquette tips below will help you avoid sticky situations with guests.
- Announce it early. “It’s important to get the word out well ahead of time,” Wiese says. Guests with children need time to make proper child-care arrangements before your big day.
- Focus on terminology. The term adults only may be better received than no kids. “Keep it positive by emphasizing that this is a party for adults,” rather than an event that excludes children, Swann says.
- Skip justifications. Whether you need to make your wedding a grown-up affair because of budget or venue constraints, “you don’t need to justify your choices,” Wiese says. “The elegance of etiquette effectively eliminates the need for justification.”
- Be consistent. “Once you’ve decided on what your policy will be, and any exceptions, be clear and consistent in enforcing the rules,” Swann says. “Don’t get drawn into arguments or feel pressured into changing it for one person.” It’s OK to say no.
- Have some in-person conversations. Worried about a particular guest being hurt or upset by your adults-only wedding? “Have a conversation with them on the phone or in person,” Swann says. “It shows you care and makes sure they understand.”
- Accept that some guests will decline because of this. Some parents either cannot or will not be able to arrange child care, or they may have an emergency come up with their child last minute, leading them to turn down the invitation. “You need to accept their decision with grace,” Swann says.
- Consider offering off-site child care. Hiring a babysitter is a kind balance between your needs and what parents need, Swann says. This is especially true if you’re hosting family from out of town or doing a destination wedding.
- Reassure guests that you love them and their children. “Part of the reason guests may feel hurt is they may think you don’t care about their children or think that they are badly behaved,” says Swann. “You can reassure them that this is not the case but, rather, it’s a personal decision.”
And remember: “Hosts have every right to have the adults-only party of their dreams,” Weise says. “As wonderful as children are, their place is not at all weddings.”
Additional reporting by Brooke Nelson Alexander.
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Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of etiquette stories that help readers navigate communication in a changing world. We regularly cover topics such as the best messages to send for any occasion, polite habits that aren’t as polite as they seem, email and texting etiquette, business etiquette, tipping etiquette, travel etiquette and more. We’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions, as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. We verify all facts and data, back them with credible sourcing and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. For this piece on how to say “no kids” at a wedding, Charlotte Hilton Andersen tapped her experience as a longtime journalist who specializes in etiquette and communication for Reader’s Digest. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Elaine Swann, certified wedding etiquette expert, founder of the Swann School of Protocol and author of Let Crazy Be Crazy; phone interview, Sep. 6, 2024
- Jackie Vernon-Thompson, certified etiquette expert, founder and president of From the Inside-Out School of Etiquette and author of Transformative Etiquette; interviewed, August 2023
- Heather Wiese, Dallas-based etiquette expert and founder of Bell’Invito; interviewed, August 2023
- Zola: “2024 Wedding Trends: Zola’s First Look Report Data Deep Dive”
- The New York Times: “When the Couple Likes Your Child—Just Not at Their Wedding”
