Quit awkwardly holding your bladder and follow this etiquette expert's advice.
How to Use the Airplane Bathroom When Your Neighbor Is Asleep
Updated on Sep. 03, 2024
I don’t know about you, but for me, two things are certain when I fly: I’ll have trouble getting any sleep on the plane, and I’ll have to get up and go to the bathroom at least once—or several times, if I’m on a long-haul flight. (Hey, we’re supposed to stay hydrated when we fly, right?) If I’m sitting in an aisle seat, then bathroom breaks are no problem. But if I’m in a window seat (my favorite for sleeping on international flights) or a dreaded middle seat and seated next to strangers, it’s always a little awkward to ask them to get up so I can go to the bathroom. And if the passenger seated between me and the aisle is fast asleep? Yikes. That’s just not a good scenario for anyone. So how do you use the airplane bathroom when your neighbor is asleep? We asked air travel etiquette experts to weigh in on how best to approach the situation when nature calls—and you have to answer.
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What’s proper airplane bathroom etiquette when your seatmate is sleeping?
No one likes being woken up from a nap, especially on a red-eye or a long flight. “If the person next to you is snoozing, simply say “excuse me” and tap them lightly on the arm,” says Courtney Fadler, founder of professional etiquette service CF Etiquette. “Once you have their attention, it’s nice to offer a small and sincere apology and ask if they mind if you pass by. The polite thing on their end is to either stand up if possible or at minimum shift their knees to the side so that you may pass by.”
Is it OK to wake up your seatmate if you need to use the bathroom?
As air travel gets more and more stressful, it’s up to all of us to have empathy for one another. But that doesn’t mean you should be uncomfortable if your body is telling you it’s time to go to the bathroom. “It’s a completely normal and appropriate thing to have to ask someone next to you to move so you can get to the restroom,” says Fadler. “This is not a faux pas, no matter how many ‘sighs’ your seatmate may give you when you ask.” Etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore, a former flight attendant herself, agrees. “When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go. Sometimes you can’t help it.” (And really, expressing disdain because your neighbor needs to go to the bathroom is just some rude airplane behavior.)
What should you do if you can’t wake your seatmate?
If your seatmate is really zonked out, your gentle attempts to rouse them might not work. “You can either wait awhile if it’s not an emergency,” says Whitmore, “or in rare instances, you may have to crawl over them to get to the aisle.” Still, with airplane seats getting smaller and smaller, crawling over without disturbing them might not be easy. And in the worst case scenario, a sudden lurch of the plane and you could wind up on your seatmate’s lap—that’s sure to wake them up!
Bulkhead or exit row seats might allow you enough space to move past your soundly sleeping neighbor. But unless you’re in one of those, Fadler recommends asking for help. “If the person is asleep and you cannot wait and are unable to wake them in one or two tries, enlist the help of the flight attendant,” she says. “They are trained to handle all of these situations, so never be afraid to lean on them for help in tricky situations!”
Do you need to tell your seatmate that you need to use the bathroom?
If I have to disturb someone sitting next to me in order to go to the bathroom, whether they’re sleeping or not, I usually just say, “I’m sorry, I have to use the restroom.” But for some travelers, that may feel like TMI. Whitmore and Fadler agree that most people will take a hint, and there’s no need to specifically tell them you are going to the restroom. “A simple, ‘Excuse me, may I trouble you to get by you for a moment,’ will do,” says Fadler. “Just like when excusing yourself from a dining table, your fellow seatmates don’t need to know the details of where you are headed. So, in the name of good manners, feel free to keep that one to yourself.”
When is the most strategic time to use the bathroom to avoid this problem?
When there’s a seatmate (or two) between you and the aisle, good judgment and good airplane manners dictate that you want to make your bathroom trips as convenient as possible for everyone. And that means timing is everything. “On a long-haul or overnight flight, it’s best to go to the lavatory as soon as it is safe to walk about the cabin and before the cabin lights get dimmed,” says Whitmore. If there’s a meal served on board, it’s good to go right after your tray has been collected, but only if there’s no service cart blocking the aisle. Or, if you see your seatmate has pulled out their travel pillow and donned an eye mask, go right away, before they settle in for the duration.
Another obvious move is to go when they go—when your seatmate gets up to go to the bathroom, use that occasion to go as well. When they return from the restroom and see your seat empty, they’ll know to wait for your return—plus, they have a good excuse to stand up for a few minutes while they wait.
If you’ve stowed a bag in the overhead compartment and need to access it, combine this task with your bathroom break, so you’re not getting up and down multiple times.
What are the mistakes to avoid when getting up to use the bathroom?
I still remember my first international flight—from Washington D.C. to Paris, more than 30 years ago. The woman seated behind me kept getting up to use the bathroom and every time she did, she’d grab my headrest to pull herself up. That’s a big no-no, says Whitmore, even when unintentional. Fadler agrees. “Your goal is to disrupt as few people as possible,” she says. “When you pass by to make your way into the aisle, please take care not to pull back on the headrest of the person in front!”
It’s also a basic courtesy to disturb your seatmate as little as possible by limiting your bathroom trips to only necessary ones. And if you know you’re prone to frequent bathroom breaks, choose an aisle seat. That way, you’re free to get up as you need to, without disturbing anyone.
And there’s a flipside to this discourse. If you tend to sleep on planes (lucky you!) and take infrequent bathroom breaks, then try to book an aisle seat, which experts say are the better airline seats for sleeping, anyway. You get to snooze away undisturbed, and your seatmates don’t have to worry about waking you.
About the experts
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Why trust us
Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of etiquette stories that help readers navigate communication in a changing world. We regularly cover topics such as the best messages to send for any occasion, polite habits that aren’t as polite as they seem, email and texting etiquette, business etiquette, tipping etiquette, travel etiquette and more. We’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions, as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. For this piece on airplane bathroom etiquette, Elizabeth Heath tapped her experience as a longtime journalist who specializes in travel and etiquette for Reader’s Digest. She also interviewed various professionals with expertise in this area, including etiquette experts Courtney Fadler and Jacqueline Whitmore. We verify all facts and data, back them with credible sourcing and revisit them over time to ensure they remain accurate and up to date. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Courtney Fadler, founder and owner of CF Etiquette, a professional etiquette service.
- Jacqueline Whitmore, founder and owner Etiquette Expert an international business etiquette speaker, author, and certified speaking professional (CSP).
