These short jokes are perfect for when you need a fast, funny quip
105 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember
Updated on Jun. 20, 2024
Have you ever started to tell a funny joke only to forget the punchline halfway through? While the forgetfulness could be funny on its own, no one wants to suffer through the embarrassment of messing up a good joke, especially if it’s one of the funniest jokes of all time. Sometimes you need to get a quick laugh on demand, and what better way to do it than with one of these short jokes?
You can pull these short English jokes out of your back pocket when you’re in need of something funny on the fly. Plus, we included some of the funniest one-liners and a few short jokes for kids that’ll surely have them giggling.
Get Reader’s Digest‘s Read Up newsletter for more humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long.
Funniest short jokes to make you lol
• What do you call a pony with a cough?
A little horse.
• What did one hat say to the other?
You wait here. I’ll go on a head.
• What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.
• What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
This tastes a little funny.
• What’s orange and sounds like a carrot?
A parrot.
• Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
• What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
• What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye matey.
• Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
• What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison.
• What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer?
The space bar.
• Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?
Because it was cultured.
• What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-Morse code.
• Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
• Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank the coffee before it was cool.
• What do cows do on date night?
Go to the moo-vies.
• What do cows say when they hear a bad joke?
“I am not amoosed.”
• Why do French people eat snails?
They don’t like fast food.
• Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
Just in case he got a hole in one!
• Why don’t the circus lions eat the clowns?
Because they taste funny!
Keep the laughs brewing with these funny memes and funny coffee quotes
Corny short jokes
• How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
• What did 0 say to 8?
“Nice belt.”
• What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
• What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.
• Why are elephants wrinkly?
Because you can’t iron them.
• What did the cake say to the fork?
You want a piece of me?
• Why did the strawberry cry?
He found himself in a jam.
• Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
• What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me!
• What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?
A chew-chew train.
• What’s small and red and has a rough voice?
A hoarse radish!
• Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
Because they are such fungis.
• Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
Too many ears.
• Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn the alphabet?
Because he always got lost at “C.”
• How did the two cats end their fight?
They hissed and made up.
• “Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.”
These meow-velous cat memes are practically purr-fect.
Short jokes for adults
• What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
• Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play has a cast.
• Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
• Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
• A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
• A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender.
The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”
• Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
• Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory.
• How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream.
• What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
• What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business!
• How does Moses make tea?
He brews.
• Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.
• How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it.
• Why did the chicken go to the séance?
To get to the other side.
These “Why did the chicken cross the road?” jokes are worth jaywalking for.
Short jokes for kids
• Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
• Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
• I invented a new word!
“Plagiarism!”
• Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
• Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
• Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
• Where does Batman go to the bathroom?
The batroom.
• Where does the sheep get his hair cut?
The baa-baa shop!
• Why are ghosts such bad liars?
Because they are easy to see through.
• Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
• How do trees get online?
They just log on!
• What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
• Why couldn’t the leopard play hide-and-seek?
Because he was always spotted.
• Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
• Where do fish sleep?
In the riverbed.
• What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
• I hate Russian dolls—
They’re so full of themselves.
You’ll split your gills over these Christmas jokes and fish puns
Short knock-knock jokes you’ll laugh at
• Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Control Freak.
Con…
OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
• Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Alice.
Alice who?
Alice fair in love and war.
• Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
A pile-up.
A pile-up who?
Oh no, yuck!
• Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!
• Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Urine.
Urine who?
Urine trouble!
• Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Figs.
Figs who?
Figs the doorbell, it’s not working!
• Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Ken I come in?
• Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Says.
Says who?
Says me!
• Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You’re welcome.
• Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
Nobel, that’s why I knocked!
• Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the peephole and find out.
• Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better!
• Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Hal.
Hal who?
Hal will you know if you don’t open the door?
• Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Honey bee.
Honey bee who?
Honey, bee a dear and get that for me, please!
• Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
Hey, you can yodel!
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Funny knock-knock jokes for kids.
Short, trending one-liner jokes
• How do you throw a space party?
You planet.
• What’s Forest Gump’s password?
1Forest1.
• How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
• How does a rabbi make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
• Why did the M&M go to school?
It wanted to be a Smartie.
• I try not to tell dad jokes …
But when I do, he thinks they’re funny.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
• I poured root beer in a square glass.
Now I just have beer.
• Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.
• RIP to boiling water.
You will be mist.
• What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.
• Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
• The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
• Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?
All the fans left.
• I’d tell you a pizza joke …
but it’s probably too cheesy.
• My girlfriend treats me like a god.
She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
• Which building in New York has the most stories?
The public library.
If you laughed at that one, you’ll melt over these brie-lliant cheese puns.
Punny short jokes
• Why can’t male ants sink?
They’re buoy-ant.
• What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
• How does the ocean say hi?
It waves!
• What is fast, loud and crunchy?
A rocket chip.
• What do you call an ant who fights crime?
A vigilANTe!
• Two artists had an art contest.
It ended in a draw!
• What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
• I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost my case.
• What’s a cat’s favorite dessert?
A bowl full of mice-cream.
• What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach?
“Freeze. You’re under a vest.”
• What social events do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
• What did one pickle say to the other?
Dill with it. Check out these some pickle puns that are, well, kind of a big dill.
• Why do ducks have feathers on their tails?
To cover their butt quacks.
• How does a vampire start a letter?
“Tomb it may concern …”
• How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
We’re milking the laughs with these cow jokes.
Want even more jokes? Enjoy 100 years of our best jokes, stories, riddles and cartoons in the all-new, sidesplitting collection Laughter, the Best Medicine 2023.
Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Reader’s Digest runs it.
